i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
