this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
