after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
