Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
