obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
