Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
