Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
