dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were trust falling into bushes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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