Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
