it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
