walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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