it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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