This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
