Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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