Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
