ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize