Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
