this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
