I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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