My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
