He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this hospital has no fireball
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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