I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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