My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
