Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
