This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
