Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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