You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
