your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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