If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
