Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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