Whoa Z and x make the same sound
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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