4 words: hood of his car
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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