he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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