Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
