I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
