so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
