Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
