Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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