Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
