I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
