I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
