Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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