booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
