Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the high leading the old right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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