after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
