I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
