he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
