I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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