cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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