Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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