hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
