I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
