i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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