i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize