I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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