he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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