I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
