you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize