bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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