How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
