Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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