True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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