I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Less talking, more tequila
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
