lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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