No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
