I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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