i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
