So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
