My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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