I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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